Halong Bay, Vietnam: Finding beauty in a junk.

After stealing a few hours sleep (everyone's a thief in Hanoi...) we dragged ourselves out of bed early and waited for our pick-up, with some trepidation as our tickets were among the things stolen. Luckily, the tour guide was full of understanding and we made the three-hour bus journey without a hitch. Well, except for a little girl in our tour group throwing up in the back of the bus. Our dismay turned to stifled giggles when she loudly proclaimed, over her Mum's embarrassed protestations of surprise, "Mummy, that's what I did yesterday".

We arrived in Halong Bay with no further incidents and made our way onto the beautiful boat, an old-fashioned junk cleverly fitted out with rooms. Setting sail into the bay was like entering another world. Halong is a collection of almost 2,000 limestone islands, which are actually the peaks of an ancient mountain range now almost completely submerged in the sea. The rocky outcrops are an eerie and beautiful sight, resembling nothing we'd ever seen before.

Some of the islands are hollow, containing labyrinthine caves. We explored one the tour operator's call 'Surprising Cave', which we thought was funny until we got inside and were surprised. It's huge, and through the good works of UNESCO (who are becoming a feature of this blog it seems), has been cleverly paved and lit to be accessible but not 'Disneyed'. Some of the rock formations resemble things such as a Buddha, elephants and a turtle, all with local legends attached, as well as the inevitable.

Some of the rocks stand in groups, sectioning off small 'lagoons' in the sea. We took to a kayak to explore one. Floating through a small tunnel, we emerged into a truly awe-inspiring place, with rocks jutting into the sky as high as we could see, and eagles flying overhead. We were lucky enough to be the only people in there so the view was matched with an almost reverential silence. Breathtaking.

The bay is home to a small community of indigenous fisherfolk who live on floating homes and rarely if ever take to dry land. Their floating bar may be familiar to some of you from this, which was our first introduction to Halong Bay. We used a far more sensible boat.

Hanoi, Vietnam: Temples and thieves.

First off, I've had my sodding wallet and phone nicked, so forgive me if this blog is tinged with any leftover frustration and annoyance. I'll get to that later though.

To get to Hanoi, we took another sleeper bus which took 14 hours. We nearly didn't take it at all though following a spectacular display of rudeness by the woman in charge of getting everybody to their bunks on the bus. We'd reserved berths 9 and 10 in advance (bottom bunks) through our hotel, who had assured us the bunks were set aside for us. Good to be organised, so we thought.

A free taxi shuttled us to the bus, which was laid on by the bus company. We arrived a full 40 minutes before the bus was due to depart. A fairly chaotic scene greeted us inside the bus, and we noticed that our bunks were occupied by locals. Jacqui went to speak with the woman, politely enquiring: "Excuse me please, can you help us? We have reserved beds 9 and 10." The response was unexpected.

"You're late, people have taken your beds. If you don't like it get off the bus."
"I'm sorry?"
"Get off my bus."
"But we have reserved seats."
"Then get off and wait for another bus. There is one in 10 minutes."

We decided to just take a random couple of top bunks, not trusting the woman further than we could throw her. This was our first really negative experience though, generally the people here had been lovely. As it turned out, we could see out the window that no other bus ever turned up. She just didn't give a toss whether we ended up stranded in the street.

Once in Hanoi, we spent an enjoyable few days visiting the Temple of Literature, which also functioned as Hanoi's first university. It was founded in 1070 as a Confucian temple, and the names of graduates of doctor laureate tests from 1484 to 1779 are etched into 82 stone steles which stand on the back of stone tortoises. From there we took a cab to the Museum of Ethnology, a superb introduction into Vietnamese hill tribes and ethnic groups, including a great outdoor section featuring examples of traditional buildings that we were able to clamber about inside.

Next day we took in a temple sat in the middle of Hoan Qiem Lake in the Old Quarter of the city. An attractive footbridge takes you over to the quiet little temple, but the oddest sight inside is the embalmed remains of a giant turtle, supposedly discovered in the lake.

Hoa Lo Prison (now a museum), was known jokingly by American POWs as the "Hanoi Hilton". It was originally used by French colonialists to house political prisoners, and later by the North Vietnamese to house POWs during the war. Senator John McCain, who recently lost the election to Barack Obama, was imprisoned here and is unable to lift his arms above his head after being tortured during his stay at the prison.

We were a bit burnt out after all the sight-seeing and decided to have a quiet day before heading to Halong Bay the following morning. However, any semblance of peace was spoiled in the evening when my wallet and mobile phone were stolen from my satchel as we walked from a restaurant back to our hotel. A crowded area by a night market on our way home is where we think the theft happened. Neither of us even saw the thief. And how's this for the cruelest of ways to realise you've had your stuff stolen: we'd gone into a doughnut shop, picked out some of the most delicious looking doughnuts you could possibly imagine, and then I go to pay and realise my bag is open and my wallet and phone not there. The shop staff were sympathetic and understanding that we left without paying.

We headed back to the restaurant where the manager called the police. This turned out to be a couple of officers in uniform and a couple of 'heavies' brandishing sticks! They were more-or-less useless and said I needed to go to the police station. The manager sent a waiter to go with us as an interpreter, but when we got there the police just made dismissive hand gestures and said (something along the lines of) "There's nothing we can do, go away" in Vietnamese. This is causing me some hassles with travel insurance as you can imagine. I'm waiting to hear back from the British embassy in Hanoi to see if they can help.

Anyway, what we'd hoped would be an early night resting ahead of Halong Bay, turned out to be a frenzy of card cancelling, password changing, phone calls and such like. Thankfully, Halong would turn out to be one of the highlights of the trip and thoroughly cheer me up: more on that next time.

Huế, Vietnam: Hats and History.

With all our tailored purchases safely in the post, we made our way north to another World Heritage town, Huế. Huế was the capital of Vietnam from the 17th century, under the Nguyen dynasty, until 1945 when the Communists took over and moved the capital to Hanoi. Huế turned into a key battleground in the war, and the scars show, but most of the evidence of its illustrious history is still standing.

We made our way to the Citadel first, and inside to the Forbidden Purple City, where the Emperors lived with their Concubines and eunuch servants (couldn't trust a woman around the Kings or a man around the Concubines...)

We also enjoyed a day long dragon boat tour on the Perfume River, taking in an entertaining Vietnamese Kung Fu display first (though the expression on the face of the chap who lay on broken glass and had a breeze block smashed on his chest was a little disconcerting). The trip also took in the Tombs of two of the Nguyen emperors, Tu Duc and Minh Mang, the Thien Mu pagoda and a village where incense sticks and conical hats are made. All in all an excellent day, though Chris couldn't be persuaded to get a hat.

Hoi An, Vietnam: Made to measure.

Another overnight journey saw us head from Nha Trang to picturesque Hoi An, an ancient UNESCO World Heritage town that has nowadays become the place to get tailored clothing made in South East Asia - even more so than Bangkok. There are hundreds of 'cloth shops' here. And so we both got properly stuck in with getting a batch of stuff made, which we've already shipped home to UK.

I got a really excellent tailored suit made at a shop called Yaly Couture for $60, and they were really thorough. I got to choose from hundreds of different materials, as well as the colour and style of the lining. They had me in for five fittings in total, over the course of three days. Each time I had some alterations needed - or some that the tailor felt were necessary - the suit would go back to the stitching room for changes. Each time I told them something I wasn't happy with I felt more and more like the character of Danny in the mod film Quadrophenia (played with excellent gruff stroppiness by Daniel Peacock, who was also in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and played the dad in Teenage Health Freak, fact fans!) where he's basically just abusing the fusty old London tailor and wanting the suit a tighter fit than the tailor deems appropriate.

Tailor: How does that feel?
Danny: Awkward.
Tailor: What?
Danny: Bring it in 'ere [gestures towards hips]. Stop ****in' about!
Tailor: Don't use that language here, sonny. Talk like that and you can make your own suit.

That sort of thing, except I was more civil and so were they.

As well as the suit, I had a copy made of a pair of grey linen trousers of mine that were falling to bits. Other than not having quite the same shade of grey, they're an exact copy. I also got a black jacket and three fitted shirts to go with the suit, while Jacqui had three dresses made, plus a skirt and two really nice pairs of jeans.

Aside from tailoring, we enjoyed Hoi An's knackered charms. On our first night, we'd been invited to dinner by a Californian couple (we think they were a couple), who had suggested a restaurant called Mango Rooms by the river. It was an amazing meal - I had beef cooked in rum, huge great juicy chunks of it - but we'd slightly misjudged what sort of budget the Americans were travelling on and the bill was somewhat hair-raising compared to what we've been used to. The good company made up for it, but as Jacqui joked after we left the restaurant: "We'll have to go home one day earlier now..." Lovely people though, and one of the best meals of the trip.

Once all our tailoring was done, we took a day going round all the sights of the old town, including an old teak Chinese house that had been left untouched by the passage of time over six generations, and the Museum of History and Culture. Smashing little town, but really shopping is the big draw here these days. You couldn't ask for a nicer backdrop though.

Nha Trang, Vietnam: Bad Elton John and a cable car over the sea.

A cramped sleeper bus (four rows of three bunk beds) took us the 10-hour journey from Saigon to the beach resort of Nha Trang. We thought we were being clever in nabbing bottom bunks, but it turns out that top bunks are where you want to be - close to the air-conditioning vents, y'see? Jacqui prised open a window to stop us drowning in our own sweat, even if this did mean an occasional waft of silage as we drove past agricultural areas from time to time.

We arrived bleary-eyed and sleep deprived at 6am, and immediately went straight back to sleep as soon as our heads hit the pillows. Five hours later we emerged ready to face the day, resolving that our next overnighter would be by train.

After a chill-out day on the beach, we spent the afternoon and evening of our second day at Vinpearl Island - a resort that you reach by a 3km cable car, which is dominated by a big theme park where we spent all of our time. Imagine Alton Towers on a Southend-on-Sea budget and you'll be somewhere close. We enjoyed the kitschness of it all, and the pirate ship ride made me feel like I'd been kicked in the unmentionables. I knew there was a reason why I had avoided those kind of swingy-back-and-forth roller coasters as a kid. I just wish I'd remembered about two minutes earlier...

Despite my Southend comment though, the aquarium (included in what we felt was a pretty steep ticket price) turned out to be superb. Not just because it had sharks and a very nicely done 90-metre fibre-glass walk though zone, but because there was such a variety of interesting and unusual sea creatures. I lost count of the number of massive moray eels with their freaky mouths permanently open, giving them a facial expression resembling a sort of twisted glee. Oh, and Vinpearl has a big hillside sign ala Hollywood. Lights up a treat at night too.

The following day we went on a $6 boat trip, which took us to four islands for snorkelling (where some pesky little jellyfish gave Jacqui a couple of lashes which are thankfully fairly small and healing nicely), a 'floating bar', and general lazing around in the sunshine. Good fun, especially when the crew entertained us with a makeshift covers band (drumkit: one knackered bass drum, a cymbal that looked like it had been recovered from an archaeological dig, and some upside down plastic barrels). I especially enjoyed their version of Elton John's 'Sacrifice' where it seemed any sounds would do for vocals as long as the number of syllables was right. "Sass-a-ma-sife..." That sort of thing, bless 'em.

Saigon, Vietnam: Vietcong and Victor Hugo.

Ho Chi Minh City, formerly Saigon, capital of South Vietnam and former capital of Cochinchina, is a confusing place. It's a city with nine million people and four million motorbikes. And no traffic laws. It takes ten minutes to cross the road. You can get run over on the pavement. Everyone wants to sell you something or con you out of something. And yet it has a charm that will win you over in the end.

Our arrival in this craziest of Asian cities was eased by the services of a tiny old lady who helped us find a perfect hotel. Despite being at least 70 and all of 4' 6", she insisted on helping carry the bags and moved at lightning speed. Having got us settled, she scuttled off into the night before we could even tip her. A mystery.

We'd been hearing horror stories about Saigon from everyone we've met who had been here - of thieves, con artists and pickpockets. Maybe we were just lucky, but the only negative experience we had was a elderly trickster at the Mariamman Hindu Temple who gave us some incense to make an offering then tried to extract a fee of 200,000 Vietnamese dong for it (that's like charging 20 quid at home). We gave him a fair amount and beat a hasty retreat - we could move faster than he could.

There's plenty to see in Saigon, most of it connected to the Vietnam War (or the American War as it's known here). The fall of Saigon to the Communists marked the end of the war and victory for the Vietcong over American forces. The Ho Chi Minh City Museum gives a patriotic account of the city's history, while the Reunification Palace is a monument to the Communist victory. The most moving is the War Remnants Museum, which houses information on the war, the terrible and ongoing effects of Agent Orange and other biological weapons used by the Americans, recreations of the 'tiger cages' used by the South Vietnamese government to hold prisoners, weapons and unexploded ordnance and incredible displays of photographs documenting the war taken by international photographers and journalists killed in the conflict. None of this makes for easy viewing. Most internet sources and reviews seem to be critical of the museum, accusing it of bias. However, it's hard to see why they wouldn't be. Civilian suffering during the war was almost exclusively at the hands of American forces and bombs, and continues to this day as the effects of Agent Orange manifest themselves in each new generation.

We saw another side to the war at the famous Cu Chi Tunnels. Cu Chi, 70km from Saigon, was a key battlefield in the war, as the Vietcong and American-backed South Vietnam both struggled for control. Local Vietcong forces built an extensive underground tunnel network, in order to protect themselves from bombs and ground troops and to launch surprise attacks. Today, some of the tunnels have been preserved as a museum, where you can see the secret entrances, traps and tunnels used by the Vietcong. One tunnel (the one in the link) has been doubled in size to accommodate tourists, yet is still unpleasantly claustrophobic. Chris had to dive out half way along to avoid getting stuck and I only just squeezed through.

Another fascinating experience was a visit to the Holy See of the Cao Dai religion. The religion originated in Vietnam in 1926, and is truly extraordinary. It incorporates a mixture of Buddhist, Hindu and Christian beliefs and Caodaiists worship God, Jesus and Buddha. And Victor Hugo.

Mekong Delta, Vietnam: From serenity to scooter chaos.

As we bid Cambodia goodbye, we decided to head into Vietnam with a three-day tour of the Mekong River Delta. We'd heard a lot of scare stories about the hectic pace of life in Vietnam, and so the idea of spending a few days cruising around fishing villages and seeing a bit of rural life seemed like the ideal way to ease ourselves in gently: dipping our toes in, rather than bombing in at the deep end. Hey, we've stroked tigers and climbed volcanoes, we've earned the right to be cowardly occasionally, ok?

The first day consisted of motoring down a very wide section of the Mekong, where we stopped either side of the Vietnamese border - first to get stamped out of Cambodia, and then five minutes down river to get stamped into Vietnam (we already had our visas as you need them in advance for Vietnam). Then, with the admin all sorted, we veered off down a far narrower stretch of the delta. From here, we enjoyed a very relaxing afternoon gently pottering downstream admiring all the colourful riverside houses and huts, the spindly-looking monkey bridges and waving back at local children who pretty much all wanted to wave at the funny-looking group of tourists in their little boat. The tiny and largely unused section of my brain that sporadically enjoys birdwatching was also delighted to spot a couple of Collared Kingfishers darting across the river too. Every bit as impressive in flight as their more orangey cousins that you see fishing in British rivers. Ok, I'll stop going on about birds now. At least there are birds here. We barely saw a bird in Laos. Cheap protein...

We spent the night in a crappy hotel (part of the package tour unfortunately) in a little town called Chau Doc. Nothing much to shout about here, but it did give us our first glimpse of just how many Vietnamese ride scooters - not to mention the joys of crossing the road. We've pretty much got it licked now. The rule is: just walk in front of scooters, but don't walk in front of cars. Keep walking and the scooters will dodge you expertly. Stutter or stop and you'll confuse them and they'll start wobbling worryingly! You just have to go for it. A far bigger danger is a local about to set off on his scooter who is backing it onto the road with his feet while sitting on it. They rarely look at what's behind them and will go over your toes if you're not careful.

Next day we visited a weaving village, which would have been interesting had we not been somewhat rushed round it. We were distracted by some giant pigs out the back, and by the time we'd finished there was barely time to learn about how the silk weaving was done. Then it was on to a fish farm, where we were allowed to throw food pellets into the fish tanks (built into wooden floating floors with nets so as to utilise Mekong water) by the bucket-load and watch with amazement as the fish went into a frantic, spasming frenzy in the fight for food. They turned the water into a froth, and if you stood nearby you could get soaked.

We spent the night in Can Tho, a city of about 300,000 people, which has a pretty impressive shiny silver statue of Ho Chi Minh to gawp at on its riverfront. And then our last day included a visit to a floating market (less photogenic than the Thai one, but still nice to see), as well as a fruit plantation village where they also had a mini zoo featuring an array of unusual creatures including a large gang of baby cayman. After lunch it was then time to head off to Saigon. Or Ho Chi Minh City to give it its official name. I'll do like the locals and stick with Saigon. As I type approximately twelve thousand scooters are whizzing by outside. Vietnam is bonkers, but so far so good.

Sihanoukville, Cambodia: Monkeys? Who needs monkeys?

After our gruelling history lesson in Phnom Penh we headed south to Sihanoukville, a gorgeous little beach town that reflects more of Cambodia's bright future than it's tragic past.

We stayed on Serendipity Beach, a beautiful stretch of golden sand, and spent a relaxing couple of days sunbathing and making the most of the town's excellent restaurants and bars. Our favourite was the Starfish Bakery, part of the Starfish Project - a local charity working to support disabled people by providing them with meaningful employment. Good food for a good cause!

We also took the chance to visit Ream National Park, where we enjoyed a lovely boat trip through the mangrove forest. We weren't lucky enough to spot the dolphins or monkeys that make their homes there, but the beautiful deserted beach we ended up at took away the pain...