Patong Beach, Thailand: Neon nights.

Arriving in Phuket's famous Patong Beach on a scorching hot afternoon doesn't really do the place justice. Ideally, you'd want someone to take you there blindfolded at about 9pm and reveal all when you're right in the thick of things on Bang La (the main drag with an enormous number of colourful bars and clubs). We'd made the short hop over from Phuket Town via public 'bus'. This was in fact a truck with two rows of padded bench seating in the back, covered by a rickety roof. We're already well used to such means of transport after two months on the road. You soon start to enjoy it. Just about. In the sweltering heat, we weren't sure what to make of Patong. Touristy as hell, that's for sure. But we had no idea if it would be our cup of tea or not.

How to describe Patong in full night-time glory? Imagine the biggest red-light district you've ever seen, take away a lot of the seedy sleazy vibe, throw in liberal amounts of smiles and fun, lashings of Thai whisky and Beer Chang, and you're getting somewhere close. Side-roads off Bang-La are lined with Identikit small bars - each with as many female Thai bar staff as patrons - all of them trying to entice you in with cries of 'Welcome!' and 'Hello! Where are you from?'; and some of them up on tables pole-dancing in a sort of non-raunchy, almost daydreamy manner. Many of the patrons and staff are playing a game where you try and hit a nail into a piece of wood with as few hits as possible, using the chisel edge of a hammer. The Thai girls are amazing at this game; the tourists are rubbish. Some money changes hands! Ditto the many games of Connect 4 and Jenga you see going on.

You're probably thinking that this doesn't sound like the sort of place you'd want to take your girlfriend, yet Jacqui had a great time as did the scores of other female tourists we saw enjoying the spectacle. You'd only need to have the slightest penchant for people-watching to enjoy Bang-La in full swing.

My other favourite thing about Patong is that every bar has a bell. Ring the bell and everyone present at the bar gets a drink on you. Dangerous indeed for tipsy tourists with an urge to lap up the adulation of a bar-load of freeloaders. Due to budgetary reasons we did not ring the bell.